It’s a common sight on the playground: a toddler shadows another child, copying every move, mimicking words, and sometimes even trailing behind like a little duckling. While imitation is a natural and healthy part of early development, many parents start to wonder: Is my child always going to follow others? How can I help them be more independent?
The good news is that you can teach even very young children how to think for themselves, make their own choices, and develop the confidence to lead instead of simply follow. In this article, we’ll unpack why toddlers and preschoolers tend to copy others, what it tells us about their development, and what you can do to help your child become a confident decision-maker and future leader.
Why Young Children Copy Others
Toddlers and preschoolers learn about the world through observation. From the moment they’re born, they watch and imitate behaviors, language, tone, and actions. This mimicking is how they build social and emotional intelligence.
According to a 2021 study published in the journal Developmental Psychology, children as young as two mimic actions not just for social bonding but to understand social norms. Imitating other children can be a tool for learning—but it can also lead to a loss of autonomy if unchecked.
“Imitation is foundational to learning, but autonomy is foundational to identity.” — Dr. Deborah MacNamara, Clinical Counselor and author of Rest, Play, Grow
Children may follow others because:
- They want to fit in
- They lack confidence in their own choices
- They fear being left out or rejected
- They don’t yet know how to assert their ideas
The key is to honor the learning that comes from mimicking while helping your child build the skills to choose for themselves.
Red Flags That Your Child Is Over-Following
While mimicry is part of learning, these signs may indicate your child is relying too much on others for direction:
- Constantly copying another child’s behavior or preferences
- Dropping their favorite toys/activities to mirror peers
- Changing opinions quickly to match others
- Always waiting for someone else to take the lead
Occasional mimicry is normal—but when your child seems hesitant to express their own interests, it’s time to nurture self-trust.
How to Help Your Child Be a Leader
1. Encourage Independent Choices
Let your child make decisions from a young age. Even simple choices—“Do you want the blue cup or the red one?”—help them flex their decision-making muscle.
Tip:
Offer two or three options so they don’t feel overwhelmed.
2. Praise Originality
When your child expresses an original idea, recognize it:
“Wow, you made that game up all by yourself. That’s creative thinking!”
Avoid over-praising conformity (e.g., “You’re doing it just like Lily—that’s good!”). Instead, celebrate their own voice.
3. Role-Model Leadership
Children copy what they see. Let them observe you making decisions, speaking up kindly, and owning your preferences.
Tip:
Narrate your decision-making aloud: “I’m choosing to wear these shoes because they’re comfortable, even if they’re not the most popular.”
4. Coach Social Courage
Teach your child that it’s okay to disagree respectfully or not follow the crowd. Use books and shows to highlight characters who lead instead of follow.
Practice Lines:
- “I don’t want to play that right now, but I’ll play something else with you.”
- “That’s not my favorite, I like this instead.”
5. Create Opportunities to Lead
Let your child take the lead during play, in family games, or even in planning parts of their day. Leadership starts with small moments.
Examples:
- “You choose which game we play.”
- “Can you be our line leader to the car?”
Real-Life Scenarios & How to Respond
Scenario 1: Copying a Classmate’s Every Move
Scenario: Your preschooler starts copying everything their friend says and does—even changing their snack choice because their friend didn’t like it.
Solution:
- Pull your child aside after the situation and talk about their preferences.
- Ask, “Did you actually want apple slices, or were you choosing what your friend picked?”
- Reinforce that their choices matter.
Daily Implementation Tip: Role-play snack time with dolls or figures. Have one character pick something, and encourage your child to choose something different.
Reminder for Parents: It’s okay to be different. Encourage them to own their likes and dislikes.
Scenario 2: Always Letting Others Decide What to Play
Scenario: Your child consistently lets other kids decide what to play and follows along even when they don’t enjoy it.
Solution:
- Talk to your child about games they enjoy.
- Help them script assertive phrases like: “I’d like to play trucks first. We can play dolls later.”
- Practice turn-taking leadership at home.
Daily Implementation Tip: Designate daily “You’re the boss” moments where your child leads the play.
Reminder: Leadership is not bossiness—it’s sharing ideas with kindness.
Scenario 3: Abandoning Their Passion to Fit In
Scenario: Your child stops drawing because their new friends think drawing is “boring.”
Solution:
- Reaffirm your child’s interests at home: “Your drawings are amazing—I love how creative you are.”
- Read stories about children who stayed true to themselves (e.g., Giraffes Can’t Dance).
- Offer environments where their interest is celebrated (art classes, new peer groups).
Daily Implementation Tip: Spend time doing the activity they abandoned with them—remind them it brings joy.
Reminder: Passions are personal. Teach them that true friends support each other’s interests.
Scenario 4: Following Bad Behavior Even When They Know Better
Scenario: Your toddler knows not to throw toys or walk away without permission. But when another child does it, they follow suit—even after you’ve taught them otherwise.
Solution:
- Gently ask, “Why did you follow when you knew it wasn’t okay?” Help them connect behavior to values.
- Reinforce expectations: “We don’t throw, even if our friends do.”
- Give them better language: “You can say, ‘Let’s do something else.’”
Daily Implementation Tip: Recreate common situations with toys or puppets and walk through better choices.
Reminder for Parents: Children need repeated, supported opportunities to practice standing their ground.
🧠 Common Questions Parents Ask
“My child follows other kids around, even if those kids aren’t focused on them.”
What’s happening: Your child may be craving social connection or approval and is unsure how to initiate play in their own way.
What you can do:
- Practice play initiation skills
- Build solo confidence through independent play
- Role-play with them how to start games or suggest ideas
Remind them: “You don’t have to copy to be included. Your ideas are just as fun.”
“My child gets confused when I say ‘don’t do what the other kids are doing.’ How can I explain this better?”
What’s happening: Children struggle with conflicting cues. If others are doing something, they assume it’s okay.
What you can do:
- Be specific and calm in your explanation
- Reinforce your family’s rules: “Others might do that, but in our family we choose safety.”
- Help them learn to label safe vs unsafe actions
“My child always wants to re-enact other kids instead of playing as themselves. How do I help them see they’re enough?”
What’s happening: This may reflect admiration or uncertainty in their own identity.
What you can do:
- Praise their unique ideas and personality
- Create open-ended play where they lead the story
- Encourage solo creative time without comparison
Say often: “I love the way you play. Nobody plays like you do.”
Other Common Questions Parents Ask
“How do I stop my child from being a people pleaser?”
- Teach them how to say no kindly
- Validate their feelings when they choose themselves
- Help them practice standing up for what they want
“Can a shy child still be a leader?”
- Absolutely. Quiet leadership looks like thoughtful listening, helping others, and leading by example.
- Show them role models who lead with kindness, not volume
“How do I teach boundaries when my child always says yes?”
- Practice saying no at home with pretend play
- Rehearse boundary-setting phrases: “I don’t want to play that,” or “I need a break now.”
- Praise them when they set a healthy limit
Transitioning from Toddler to Preschool: What Changes?
As children move into preschool, social comparison increases. The desire to fit in becomes stronger.
What to Watch For:
- Copying fashion, speech, or catchphrases to fit in
- Withholding ideas due to fear of rejection
- Intense worry about peer opinions
Leadership Tips for Preschoolers:
- Introduce classroom jobs: line leader, helper, storyteller
- Let them host mini “shows” or presentations at home
- Practice daily affirmations: “I can speak up. My ideas matter.”
Tools & Resources
Books:
- Giraffes Can’t Dance by Giles Andreae
- The Day You Begin by Jacqueline Woodson
- Be You! by Peter H. Reynolds
Tools:
Apps:
- Avokiddo Emotions (helps kids identify and lead with their own emotions)
- Toca Life World (open-ended play for exploring leadership)
Final Thoughts
Every child has the potential to lead—but leadership looks different for everyone. It’s not about being loudest or bossiest. It’s about having the courage to be yourself, speak your mind, and treat others with respect.
By encouraging original thought, offering small leadership opportunities, and affirming their decisions, you raise a child who leads—not because they have to, but because they’re confident being who they are.
“Don’t raise your kids to have more than you had. Raise them to be more than you were.” – Anonymous
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